Hillbilly Medical Terminology

Artery	The study of fine paintings
Bacteria	Back door to cafeteria
Barium	What to do if CPR fails
Benign	What you are after you be eight
Cesarean Section	Some place in Rome
CATscan	Looking for kitty
Cauterize	Got that purty girl to look at me
Colic	A sheep dog
Coma	A punctuation mark
D & C	Where Washington is
Dilate	To live long
Enema	Not your friend
Fester	Quicker
Fibula	A small lie

Hangnail	What you hang your coat on
Impotent	Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain	Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff	A Doctor’s cane
Morbid	A higher offer than I bid
Nitrates	Lower than day rates
Node	Was aware of
Outpatient	A person who has fainted
Pap Smear	A lie about someone’s Pappy
Pelvis	Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative	A letter carrier
Recovery Room	Place to do upholstery
Rectum	Damn near killed him
Secretion	Hiding anything
Seizure	Roman emperor
Tablet	A small table
Terminal Illness	Getting sick at the airport
Tumor	More than one
Urine	Opposite of you’re out
Varicose Vein	Veins that are very close together